Recently I've had a lot of people ask me why I don't offer individual coaching sessions.
These are the 5 key reasons why having just one or two coaching sessions won't assist you in achieving a transformation in your life or radical change.
(And that can be losing weight, getting motivated/ stop procrastinating, improving confidence, moving out of a job you hate into a job you love, financial freedom, finding love etc.)
Because ultimately these are things that are at the root of what people really want.
1 - It takes a certain amount of time to really move out of old habits and behaviours and into new ones.
The old "It takes 21 days to make or break a habit." is a common belief based on research by a plastic surgeon in 1960's.)
Now actually, researchers from University College London have found that the average time it takes for a new habit to stick is actually 66 days.
So in order to really shift the gears in any area of your life, it takes more like 2-3 months for it to really be ingrained and successful.
2- Our old ways serve us in some way. In coaching we call this the 'Pay-off'. Even a habit like smoking has a pay-off. It benefits the person in ways that makes it so hard to let go of. So quitting using just will-power alone is largely unsuccessful for most people. Because it meets so many of their needs.
We really need to get a good understanding of what positives any old habit, behaviour or way of thinking could be providing in order to explore how you can get that need met in a more healthy way.
3- Success can feel uncomfortable!
So yaaay, we reach success - and you achieve your goals and get the thing you've always wished for in your life! And then guess what, it makes us feel uneasy and uncomfortable inside! Because we have been so used to the struggle and the emotion of feeling uncomfortable. Many people are very comfortable with feeling uncomfortable! In fact, at large, the majority of people have been conditioned to thrive on drama. On the adrenaline of the struggle - through watching TV among other things. Most TV programs which have been specifically designed to invoke emotion, particularly activating our 'reptile brain' which assesses for danger and ignites our 'flight or fight' response- and therefore stimulates release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.
Especially TV soaps and the news has lulled people into the safety and comfort of 'the struggle'.
I've been shocked at the amount of people, when I ask, tell me the reason they enjoy watching the soaps is because it makes their life feel better. Really setting the bar low for what these people will expect from life and aim for out of it.
For some people, finally getting the outcome they've always dreamed of, or achieve that big goal - can have a huge affect on their belief systems.
Not knowing what to do with it!
Great examples of this are those who have jumped ahead without being prepared for the changes first. Lottery winners (are statistics show that over 50% of lottery winners go broke within 5 years of their win.) So-called 'celebrities' who have made their fame by appearing on TV shows who have risen to this high-profile status without addressing their deep fears and insecurities are another example.
Going back to what most of us will experience though, it will take a lot of re-programming (changing the way our mind has been encouraged through our life to work/ see things / believe). Which is a process that only occurs over a period of time.
4- When you outgrow the world around you.
Making radical changes to your life, in whatever way they may be can have a huge affect if your world around you isn't on the same wavelength.
Most people aren't prepared for the huge changes that then ripple out from them changing within. In coaching we know this as a shift in our ecology. (Our environments and People around us- family, friends, work, hobbies, spare time activities etc.) For some people, it can mean a total paradigm shift in the way that we see the world. A huge traumatic experience or life event such as a sudden illness or death can invoke this. Or moving away from abuse or as many more people are experiencing at younger ages these days, sudden redundancy (which I personally see as a blessing in disguise!) And ultimately the universe answering your thoughts of discontent and unhappiness in that area.
When we change the way we think, the way we see things change too.
Our whole outlook changes with our habits and behaviours. And the only way that we can maintain these changes will be to ensure our environment and people we are around are conducive. Supporting and inspiring us to maintain these changes. For example giving up addictions, wanting to lose weight, starting up a business, training for a marathon are some examples of how, in order to succeed it's crucial to surround and align yourself with those with the same vision, outlook and reality.
If you've ever traveled around the world for a long period of time- you'll most probably have experienced this when returning home and feeling dis-connected with what was old familiar ways.
Again the examples of the lottery winner, and rise-to-fame TV celebrity give insight to this. How their whole world around them changes. As great as it first is to have the spotlight on them - that light also shows up all their flaws and imperfections- highlighting it to them even more so. Creating extreme feelings of insecurities if this is something they're not prepared for.
In order to achieve our goals, depending on what they are, we may well end up out-growing some friends and family. As in, there are just no common interests anymore. Which is natural when we grow and evolve.
We have to be prepared to let go of keeping in our comfort zone if we want to grow and develop. So if we socialise or spend time with people who always complain or are negative about life, this will eventually have an effect.
It's important to be around like-minded people to induce and support healthy change. Along with environment. It can be common after going travelling or returning from a retreat, that a person will realise it's their job holding them back, certain friends or even their partner.
5 - The more you challenge your beliefs of what's not possible, the more you realise and experience the excitement of growth and potential. That feeling of 'Anything is possible.'
Once you set goals and achieve them, you begin to grow. And that feels Amazing! And so then you naturally want to aim higher and grow more. You want to explore the realms of possibilities, your capabilities. Once the cracks in your old belief systems show up, and you keep pushing past the things you once believed wasn't possible, then comes the realisation that anything can be possible.
And you no longer want to stay comfortable, in order to work at your very best, achieve peak performance and reach your full potential. And ultimately start to live a life of abundance within an infinite realm of possibilities outside of the 'norm' or everyday life and the everyday person.
And when you start functioning and living from this level, it's vital to have a coach supporting you along the way - to continually grow and evolve whilst enjoying the journey. A coach will then help you to find ways of achieving this effortlessly, as opposed to finding your own way unsupported - relying on will power, hard work, with elements of struggle and inner turmoil at constantly pushing against your old beliefs, insecurities, self- doubt and triggers.
All the most successful people in the world have a coach by their side!
- Lisa Fearon